megaskunk

Two weekends in a row now the stupid arts council/gallery who are a part of our building have shut down our street for events that very few people are actually attending. And we're forced to listen to the shitty music being played because it's right outside our window. It makes me feel like an old fogey being annoyed at things like that, but like, I dunno. I don't have anything against events or loud music, I just don't want to be forced to have to hear it because it's right outside my window. For hours. At least this time I wasn't woken up early by them setting up really, but in the past they've started banging outside our window on a weekend morning at like, 8 am or something, which is just rude. I think the event today is supposed to be over in like, 15 minutes, but we've been having to listen to it since like, 11 am, and also we're leaving to go to the in-laws' house not that long after it ends, so won't even get to enjoy it being over. I guess the takeaway is that I like loud music when it's music I like and I'm choosing to listen to it.

For New Year's Resolution updates - I almost didn't, but I did clear the fix-it pile this month. I fixed the things that were in it yesterday. I wanted to work on spinning this weekend, but didn't get around to it. I ran out of time yesterday, and then I was thinking about it earlier today, but for some reason after I was done doing house stuff my insides kinda hurt and I didn't feel great. I still feel kinda meh. So I ended up on computer doing stuff instead. Mostly buying Charlie birthday stuff. I really want to finish the wool that I started because once I'm done with that I only have to complete 1 more breed this year to complete my resolution. Obviously I can do more if I want/have the time, but for resolutions purposes I only need 1 more after this one. Next weekend is a long weekend for 4th of July, so maybe I'll be able to work on it then. I haven't really spent more time outside yet this year. Last weekend/beginning of last week it was too hot to spend much time outside, and before last weekend the weather had been pretty hit-or miss in terms of niceness. I feel like it was nice during the week when having to work and not great on weekends. Hopefully we can start being outside more soon. I want to go to the beach and just vibe.

I feel like every event is kind of sneaking up on me this year. Like, we ended up not really inviting anyone to Charlie's party this year because we just kinda forgot until it was too late. It doesn't help that no one really comes, so it's not that motivating to bother trying. I wanted to have his party on his birthday this year though, since we couldn't last year cuz of dumb Frankie's party and also this year is his golden birthday (the year his age is the same as the day). I know he doesn't actually care. He just likes running around and getting cake. But I like for him to have a nice birthday.

Well, I'm just going to laze around, and try to drink water and feel less meh before we have to leave.

My quest to have a month of no appointments seems to be futile. Though last week I did at least have a week of no appointments (therapy doesn't count since it's weekly and more like routine like work or something than a random appointment). Not even any library classes - no commitments at all. That was nice. But this week Charlie had his teeth cleaning and next week I have my eye doctor appointment. Then the week after that Charlie has follow up for his cleaning (not really sure why? But whatever). Perhaps after that can finally be dome with appointments for a little while?

For accountability purposes - there wasn't anything in the fix-it pile for May. I have a pair of pants that kind of need fixing, but they're not in the pile yet, so it doesn't count.

Man I need a break. I really could stand to have an adultier adult come in and do the adulting for a week or so. It just feels like there's always something. I'm physically tired, mentally tired, and emotionally tired. But shit has to get done, so shit I will continue to do. I'm tired of there always being someplace I have to be. I'm so tired of appointments. The beginning of the year I was going to doctor appointments for myself. Now it's vet appointments for the dog and maintenance shit for my car. I need a haircut but I don't even want to make an appointment because I don't want to HAVE to be somewhere. I also want to go to the eye doctor soon, cuz I feel like my close vision is starting to go downhill, but again, don't want an appointment. Even the library classes that I like doing are starting to feel a little like a burden. I do still want to do them though. I just really wanted like, a month of no appointments, but it doesn't seem like that's possible. Even therapy like, most Mondays I've been like, wanting to have my therapy appointment but also don't want to do it as soon as I get home. I almost wish I could do therapy before work, cuz after work I want to be able to just relax. But considering I usually end up crying it's probably better not to do it before work lol. It's probably a good thing I did finally start therapy again before all this stuff started happening.

I burned frankincense incense in the apartment Wednesday to try to clear out the bad juujuu that felt like was around the building. When I got home from work Wednesday there were people talking to the police because apparently there'd been a couple of guys around who threatened them with a knife and spit on them? Then later that night a car crashed outside the building. Or possibly into the building, because one of the windows of the theater is broken. But we still can't figure out what happened. (The people inside the car seemed to be fine. They didn't even go in the ambulance that showed up). I don't know how much it really did, but the vibes did feel better after the incense was finished burning. Maybe I should do some more.

In new year's resolution updates - I did complete the fix-it pile last month, so that's good. And I'm almost done with the current rare breed wool that I've been working on. Honestly I probably could have finished it a couple of weeks ago, but I kinda forgot that it was ready to be plied already and then the times I remember I've either not had time or just been lazy. Hopefully this weekend I will finish it. I also need to make my mom's Mother's Day present still. I want to make her some silk flowers like the one we made at a library class. Hopefully I remember how to do it. Eep.

Well, I suppose I should go take Charlie out so we can all settle in for the night. Hopefully I'll have more fun/less complainy posts soon.

Easter is on Sunday and it doesn't really feel like it at all. It's pretty late this year, so it's not like it snuck up on us. Though I guess with March being such a shitshow it did a little bit. We only really got to start getting into the spring/Easter spirit a couple of weeks ago. I think part of it is that the weather hasn't been cooperating much in terms of feeling like spring. Not even all the daffodils are up yet, and there's a lot of blossom trees that are only just starting to bloom.
Another part is that we're not dyeing eggs this year. Egg prices are too high to buy eggs just for decoration. And all of the in-law's eggs that we can get for free are brown, so no good for coloring. My parents said they're not doing eggs this year either. This is the first year that I can remember not coloring eggs with someone. Sad! I want to get ceramic or wood eggs that we can paint instead, but we haven't done that yet.

Hopefully the last of the cold weather is behind us and it can start really feeling like spring. I just want to be able to have the windows open and to spend time outside in the sun. Is that too much to ask?

Man this week has been so discombobulated. It started pretty good actually, cuz Sunday night we went to a really fun concert. I got us tickets to see Cowboy Bebop Live! in Huntington. I've only seen a couple of episodes of the original anime, and we watched the live action one (as someone who didn't watch the original I didn't hate it, but I understand some of the critiques), so while not super familiar, we listen to a lot of anime and video game jazz, so a concert of that genre being close by seemed like it'd be nice to go to. And the tickets weren't super expensive. Neither of us was really sure what to expect going in, but it was a blast! It was a super fun concert, the band was super cool. And they had special guest stars like the original English voice actress of Faye and one of the original members of the group that did the original soundtrack, The Seatbelts. So that was a lot of fun. But it did lead to us probably getting to bed later than we should have since we had to get up at 6 the next morning for Goose's surgery. Monday was when the week really started getting hectic. Had to get up super early Monday and then was up and running for like, 18 hours on only 4 hours of sleep (plus a like, 30 minute nap I took while Goose was in surgery). It wouldn't have been so bad, but Goose had a hard time from the anesthesia (I think I mentioned that in my last post) so there was a lot more care involved than expected, like cleaning up things, and having to go out and get more medicines and stuff.
Then Wednesday was my birthday, which was kind of underwhelming to be honest. Like, I guess I put it out there by saying I didn't really care about it/wasn't really planning on doing much, but I dunno...I guess I kinda hoped the universe would put in a little effort to make it nicer lol. Goose did their best given the circumstances and got me some fun presents. But the weather wasn't really nice enough to do anything outside and there wasn't a ton to do inside. I'd been thinking about going to a stained glass workshop in the afternoon that I saw, but it would have involved either going to Port Jeff by myself or Goose would have had to tag along and just be bored and probably kind of miserable since not able to lay down or anything. My parents came over instead of going to their house as usual so Goose wouldn't be too far from home if started not feeling well or anything. I don't want to be ungrateful, but I was a little disappointed that they only got me 1 present, which was a shirt that I had linked them to as a suggestion, and while I said I liked all of the patterns of the shirt, they picked the one that I liked the least. And then my mom didn't make my birthday cake since plans were kind of up in the air depending on how Goose was feeling and she wasn't sure if it'd keep, so they just brought a store bakery cake and it wasn't very good. Again, I don't want to sound ungrateful. I'm happy to have my parents to celebrate with and who do do a lot for me/us. But in the moment it was just kind of disappointing.
Yesterday and today have been okay. I've just been tired all week. It doesn't help that period also started on my birthday, so that's had physical and emotional effects as well. Right now I'm debating whether or not to go to the gym. I feel like I should, and once I go I'd probably feel good. But at the moment I really just want to lay down. There's so much effort involved in getting there. I'd have to get changed. Drive. Then actually exercise once there. Then drive back home. I dunno. I probably should go though. In line with the week being random, eating has been kind of all over the place this week too. I guess I should probably stop typing and get my butt to the gym...

I'm really sad to hear that all JoAnns are going to be closing. Like, I literally grew up in JoAnn's when my dad was manager there. I have memories of spending the afternoon watching ALF tapes and doing craft kits in the breakroom while my dad was working. I already mourned those specific stores closing a couple of years ago when they closed them to merge them into the new super big store in Bohemia. I honestly still get a little choked up seeing the empty stores (since nothing else has permanently moved in yet) where I spent so much time. But now even the new store will be shutting its doors. When we went last month the store was already in bad shape. Empty shelves and just boxes of stuff in the aisles. It was really depressing. I was hopeful they could get their shit together though. It's true I can just go to Michael's for a lot of stuff, but it's not the same. Michael's doesn't have fabric. There's nowhere really around here for a large selection of fabric. And I feel like JoAnn's had a bigger yarn section too. I feel like overall JoAnn's just had more of what I usually need than Michael's. I think of Michael's more for art supplies and decorations than craft supplies. And even if I want to support local businesses like Sew What's New, they have a fun selection of fabrics, but still not the biggest. It just sucks. It sucks on a personal level and just from a consumer level. I'm going to have to go stock up on stuff before they shut the doors for good.

I'm also kinda sad because so far Charlie and Bo (my parents' new dog) are not really getting along. I don't like having to be on edge the whole time being there, and I feel bad for Charlie that he can't have a good time, since he loves my parents and he likes zooming around their house. Hopefully things will get better with time

I kept meaning to post different times last week, but just never got around to it. Overall last week was actually pretty okay. Main bummer was that it snowed twice and that our heat is stillllll broken. But the dog show Monday and Tuesday was nice. The Giant Schnauzer Monty won, I was happy for him. Friday was Valentine's Day. I was feeling kinda stressed leading up to Valentine's Day cuz I felt unprepared and was also just not feelin' the Valentine's vibes, with all that'd been going on, and being cold all the time. But we kept it low-key and it was nice. We roasted a chicken for dinner and then went to Roger's to get treats for dessert. I got creme brulee which was really yummy.
Saturday was Goose's birthday. Saturday was also pretty low-key and chill. A low-key birthday can be boring, but with how stressful things had been lately, it was a nice change of pace. We went to a Thai restaurant with the in-laws for dinner. The food was really good and they have a big menu. We def. have to go back on our own to try more of the food. I made a big strawberry shortcake for the birthday cake. I feel like the shortcake itself was a little tough, because I had to mix it a lot because it was too dry at first. But it still tasted really good.
Also on Saturday my parents ended up getting a new dog, which made me surprisingly sad. It feels like Brandy's barely been gone and now she's already being replaced. Not that it's my place to say when they can get another dog. I've only been there a few times since she passed, they're there all the time in the empty house with no dog. And ARF was doing free adoptions over the weekend for Valentine's Day, so it's hard to resist that. But I dunno. We haven't met the dog yet, we'll meet him tomorrow. He's a husky (or possibly husky mix, he seems big). I hope him and Charlie get along and are buds. It'd be nice for Charlie to have a playmate - not that he doesn't just run around by himself, or would run around while Brandy stood in place and woofed at him. I feel like partly I'm kind of weirded out that like...the dog doesn't know me. Like, Brandy was there when I lived at my parents' house. She knew me, and was excited to see me when we came over, cuz she knew it meant she'd get an extra walk that day. But this dog is just gonna be like, "Who are you? Why are you here again?" I know he'll get to know us. And probably come to be excited when we go over. Dopey Muffy loses her shit when we go over there and Janice got her after we moved into our apartment. I'll probably feel better about it all after I actually meet the dog and see if him and Charlie get along.
Right now I'm waiting for Goose to get home from church meeting they got roped into attending. Then we're probably going to go to the gym. I want to go to the gym, but it's also so windy and cold out that I kinda just wanna stay inside. It's been crazy windy today. The streetlight outside of our living room window blew down overnight and was in the middle of the street when I got up this morning. I called public safety and they came and moved it out of the way. Management's responsible for fixing it though, since it's not village property. So like, that's never getting fixed lol.

Man, the past 2 weeks have been just so full of shit. Between finding out places we like closed or are closing, our heat being out, and deaths (first Brandy, and yesterday Goose's boss's wife, who is also one of our nephews' grandmas, suddenly passed), in addition to just the barrage of bullshit happening politically, it feels impossible to not be sad or anxious in some way. Was hoping all the bullshit would stay in January but considering how February started, it's not looking good.

The smallest bit of good news, we went on a walk around town today and saw that the liquor store on main street closed and there's going to be a tea and spice shop in its place. I'm all for tea and spices over alcohol. Hopefully they're not too expensive. I definitely want to support them as much as I can.

Well...I had been feeling a little better than the last time I posted, but then I found out this morning that my family's dog Brandy passed away last night. If she'd made it to March they would have had her for 13 years. We don't know how old she was when we adopted her - the shelter said 3 years, the vet thought she might be a little younger, but she had to be 1 or older since she was a like, fully grown dog when we got her. So she was at least 14, probably older. She was in real rough shape when we saw her Tuesday, and it didn't seem like she had much time left. But then yesterday my dad said she seemed to be doing a little better, so I thought maybe the medication adjustment was helping and she'd get better after all. But alas, that was not the case. She was diagnosed with congestive heart disease last year, and it seems like her heart just gave out on her. At least she got to pass peacefully at home, and not at the vet's office like Sasha (our previous dog). No one had to make any hard decisions. So yeah, obviously I'm sad about that now. I keep crying on and off. It's not as bad as when Sasha died. I literally cried myself dry when Sasha died. But she was my like, soul sister dog. I loved Brandy, but I never connected as much to her as I did Sasha. Part of it was probably because once we moved to our apartment I only saw her once a week and just wasn't around her as much anymore. But I think part of it was also just that she didn't have as strong of a personality as Sasha did, or as Charlie does. She was always just a happy, kind of dopey dog. Not that that's a bad thing. But I like dogs with spunk and attitude. Though Buddy didn't have spunk or attitude and he was a really good dog. But I think that's cuz he was a big sweetheart. I will miss Brandy. She was a good dog. She loved going on walks. I'm sad I didn't get to take her on one last walk. But she wasn't walking on Tuesday. Even if she was, I probably wouldn't have taken the dogs for their after dinner walk anyway because it was so cold out. When I lived at my parents' house I would take her on 2 walks a day - a short walk when I got home from work to go check the mail, and then a longer walk after dinner. Even just last week she was still so excited to go on her after dinner walk.
Man, it's so hard losing a pet. They become such an integral part of your life. And then one day they're just gone. You want them to live forever. But then there's also the reality of if they lived forever you couldn't get new pets, and that would be sad too. Dogs are such great companions. Sometimes it really feels like we don't deserve them. The world would probably be a better place if dogs has more say in things. It probably couldn't be any worse at least.
I guess I'm just in for randomly breaking out into tears for the next couple of days. Going to my parents' house next week is going to be the hardest, when we get there and she's not there to greet us at the door. I hope Charlie isn't too confused or sad, cuz that will just make me even sadder. I have to imagine he could sense that something was wrong with her when we were there Tuesday, but I'm not sure how much dogs understand what's happened when one of their friends/family isn't there anymore, esp. if they weren't there at the time of their passing.

So this post isn't just completely depressing - in good news updates, my car finally passed inspection, I completed the fix-it pile last weekend, and the rare breed wool that I ordered arrived today.

I swear this journal isn't going to be just about my New Year's Resolutions, but I can cross one off the list, since I finally finished the Pokémon Violet DLC story last weekend. The main thing holding me back from my resolutions right now is still not tackling the fix-it pile this month. I'm kind of running out of time because next weekend we'll be in Florida for half the weekend and then the weekend after that is technically the beginning of February. Tomorrow we have tango class at the library and some errands to run, but Sunday is going to be a blah snowy day, so hopefully Sunday I can get to it.

I'm so tired of being cold. Luckily it's been pretty good in the apartment this winter, but I'm freezing at work and freezing when have to go outside. It makes me not want to go outside at all, which is bad for motivation to get to the gym. Or do anything that's not at home. We're supposed to go to Florida to escape the cold and just chill on the beach for 3 days, but it looks like the cooler weather is going to be following us. Not that it's going to be COLD, but it's not going to be super warm either. And it's going to be cloudy and rainy 2 of the days, so not good beach weather. Such a bummer. I just want some sunshine and warmth. We should have just gone back to San Diego. Unfortunately there's no $39 flights to California.