megaskunk

Well...I had been feeling a little better than the last time I posted, but then I found out this morning that my family's dog Brandy passed away last night. If she'd made it to March they would have had her for 13 years. We don't know how old she was when we adopted her - the shelter said 3 years, the vet thought she might be a little younger, but she had to be 1 or older since she was a like, fully grown dog when we got her. So she was at least 14, probably older. She was in real rough shape when we saw her Tuesday, and it didn't seem like she had much time left. But then yesterday my dad said she seemed to be doing a little better, so I thought maybe the medication adjustment was helping and she'd get better after all. But alas, that was not the case. She was diagnosed with congestive heart disease last year, and it seems like her heart just gave out on her. At least she got to pass peacefully at home, and not at the vet's office like Sasha (our previous dog). No one had to make any hard decisions. So yeah, obviously I'm sad about that now. I keep crying on and off. It's not as bad as when Sasha died. I literally cried myself dry when Sasha died. But she was my like, soul sister dog. I loved Brandy, but I never connected as much to her as I did Sasha. Part of it was probably because once we moved to our apartment I only saw her once a week and just wasn't around her as much anymore. But I think part of it was also just that she didn't have as strong of a personality as Sasha did, or as Charlie does. She was always just a happy, kind of dopey dog. Not that that's a bad thing. But I like dogs with spunk and attitude. Though Buddy didn't have spunk or attitude and he was a really good dog. But I think that's cuz he was a big sweetheart. I will miss Brandy. She was a good dog. She loved going on walks. I'm sad I didn't get to take her on one last walk. But she wasn't walking on Tuesday. Even if she was, I probably wouldn't have taken the dogs for their after dinner walk anyway because it was so cold out. When I lived at my parents' house I would take her on 2 walks a day - a short walk when I got home from work to go check the mail, and then a longer walk after dinner. Even just last week she was still so excited to go on her after dinner walk.
Man, it's so hard losing a pet. They become such an integral part of your life. And then one day they're just gone. You want them to live forever. But then there's also the reality of if they lived forever you couldn't get new pets, and that would be sad too. Dogs are such great companions. Sometimes it really feels like we don't deserve them. The world would probably be a better place if dogs has more say in things. It probably couldn't be any worse at least.
I guess I'm just in for randomly breaking out into tears for the next couple of days. Going to my parents' house next week is going to be the hardest, when we get there and she's not there to greet us at the door. I hope Charlie isn't too confused or sad, cuz that will just make me even sadder. I have to imagine he could sense that something was wrong with her when we were there Tuesday, but I'm not sure how much dogs understand what's happened when one of their friends/family isn't there anymore, esp. if they weren't there at the time of their passing.

So this post isn't just completely depressing - in good news updates, my car finally passed inspection, I completed the fix-it pile last weekend, and the rare breed wool that I ordered arrived today.